Once upon a time there was this
girl.
This girl is me or was me. I'm a
grown up now, or at least I'm trying to be.
My life was never average.
I've always been different because
I never wore the same clothes everyone else did and if I did, I tried to style
them in a way that you couldn’t tell it was the same garment.
Popularity was never one of my
biggest assets because I was "weird"
Thank God Glasses are in right now,
and I can wear them proudly instead of torturing my eyes with contact lenses
like I used to.
My taste in music has always been
rock and roll oriented. That I have my father to thank for, all those nights
with the Beatles, led zeppelin and the king "ElvisPresley" gave me a
good base for my grungy punk high school days and my indie experimental college
years.
One of my biggest dreams was to
form a band and I had the chance to do it. I was once the lead singer of my
garage happy punk band which later was nothing more than a memory thanks to my
"saved" cool Christian emo phase.
My love for animals has taken me on
emotional rollercoasters all of my life. I know reality and once you have
stared into the dark side of the cruelty that humans put upon animals, you can
never go back. That’s why I will never work or volunteer for any nonprofits
again.
My family is completely dysfunctional.
All families are like that you will say.
But mine belongs in a reality show
or a very dark sitcom.
Still I manage to get along with
them, not try to fit in, but just to go with the flow.
My friends...
A bunch of rock stars, models,
bloggers, fashion designers, artists, freaks, geeks and the whole "Chex
mix" of interesting people that make my life worth living
My love life... hmmm let’s just
leave it in "peculiar and ironic", the eternal struggle.
Currently in love and filled with
hope.
My mental state.
This is where the fun begins.
Anxiety attacks and Depression.
I don’t even remember when it
started, it just happened. I lost complete control of my life and fell in this
downward spiral. The anxiety got the best of me. Up to thepoint where I had to
give up my job and my college studies. My already confusing and complicated
relationship went down the drain and I completely snapped.
I saw a couple of therapists per
week, lost two part time jobs and my previous fashion blog to a "cold
war" like custody battle with my ex. To make matters worse, my parents
separated. Yeah I know I’m an adult I shouldn’t care but in LatinAmerican
countries even if your parents are crazier than you, we stand by them until
marriage, a scholarship or a job makes us move out of the house.
I stopped eating as a punishment
for being such a horrible person. It was not about the being skinny part, but
about the control of something in my life. Together with the partying, the
drinking and all the other things that come with destructive behavior, I made
myself terribly sick, to the point where I had to be hospitalized for my ulcer.
The most painful part of the whole
"war of the roses" kind of thing, was that they blamed me for
everything that had happened and guilt, my friend, is one hell of burden to
carry.
No job, no family, no boyfriend, no
money, no blog. My life as I knew it was over in the blink of an eye and there
was nothing I could do about it.
So I did what every girl in my
position would do.
I started shopping like
crazy,
Not caring if the size was right or
if already owned the same item in another color. I was hoarding fashion trends
and it is not as glamorous as it sounds. My room was unlivable and my life was beginning
to be a pain in the ass too. Plenty of thoughts about suicide and how
maybe that could be the answer to all that secret suffering, or at least I
thought nobody knew I was going through so many things at the same time.
This is the End I thought, either I
commit myself to an institution, rehab facility and probably be medicated for
life or I'm going to die.
So instead of cutting myself like I
used to in high school I decided to embrace the best things in me.
My passion for music, my chick
flick heroine attitude and of course my love for fashion.
One day I got up, put on my best
outfit, the most flawless makeup and a killer pair of heels and decided to face
the world.
I decided to curate my life
To take out everything that was
holding me back to the past, including my closet.
My closet was the metaphor for my
life. It was a big pile of new clothes with tags still on, old wrinkled and
unwashed pieces, timeless basics and horrifying one time use trends.
So as the first step to curate my
life, I curated my closet and like a Robert Frost poem
"...and that has made all the
difference...”
It has been a long process and
sometimes I just want to throw everything away.
But I know there are timeless
pieces in that closet, in my life that are worth all the hassle, all the work.
So each day I struggle with myself,
my guilt, my memories, my traumas, my surroundings.
Although, there was something I
could always count on,something so personal, so Karol, that no one and nothing
can take away from me....
My Style.
So this is why I decided to write
this blog, it’s personal and it’s very important to me.
I want to show you, it doesn’t
matter if you’re dealing with mental issues or family and love issues. You can
move on and regain control of your life if you accept who you really are.
No matter what that is or if others
see it as valuable
Because sometimes looking good, can
make you feel good.
I see fashion and style as way to
empower and believe in yourself.
No comments :
Post a Comment